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Ariful Haque Subin

A veteran User Experience Designer Frontend Developer

Based in

Dhaka, Bangladesh

    

The Conflict

March 2, 2023 Confessions Abyss

Self: “That’s not the answer. I’ve been there before. Yes, it did seem like a way to end all my problems, but I knew it wasn’t the solution.”

Inner Voice: “The void isn’t a bad option. It can be all-consuming. It’s sometimes easier to give in to that scary feeling than to keep fighting it.”

Self: “I understand why it’s tempting, but I refuse to lose this fight, no matter how difficult it gets. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who gave up.”

Inner Voice: “It’s pointless to keep fighting when everything and everyone is pushing us down. What if darkness is our only ally? Silently watching but not judging us.”

Self: “There must be a reason I’m still here, searching for meaning amidst the chaos.”

Inner Voice: “What if the search itself is the illusion? What if we are destined to wander, lost and alone?”

Self: “What if there’s more to life than these negative feelings?”

Inner Voice: “I don’t think there’s anything beyond the darkness for us. It seems like a pointless search.”

Self: “But what about the things I used to love? The golden hours, the sunsets, laughter with friends… Aren’t those worth holding on to?”

Inner Voice: “They feel distant now, like echoes from another life. How long can we keep pretending everything’s okay?”

Self: “So, if you were lost in a pitch-black cave, with no way of knowing which way to turn, would you have just stood there?”

Inner Voice: “And what if there’s actually no way out? Considering our luck, what if I’m looking for a light that isn’t there?”

Self: “How will you know that there’s no way out if you don’t look for it?”

Inner Voice: “Because I believe we’ve already fallen inside of a bottomless pit of darkness, and our every move is just taking us deeper and deeper into it.”

Self: “It’s not too late for us. We can get help.”

Inner Voice: “We are too damaged and there’s no point in being in denial. My job is to remind you of it. I don’t hate the idea of wandering in darkness forever; maybe I have grown fond of it.”